Sure, winning the Calder Cup is impressive, but it wasn't the championship of minor league hockey that had me glued to my set last night. It was this astonishing face salad from Hershey's Karl Alzner:

How old does Alzner look there? Two, maybe three hundred years old? He was born in 1988! He won't turn 22 until September and he's already got that kind of face warmer going on? Thanks for making us all feel less manly, Karl. You can see more pictures of Karl, as well as some of his more mustachioed teammates here.

Just for good measure, here's a picture of a clean-shaven (and relatively baby-faced) Alzner for comparison's sake: