It is that time of year where we make our resolutions for the New Year, and I have suggestions for some of the big names in D.C. sports. Yes, even Teddy Roosevelt.
As we get ready to ring in the New Year and say goodbye to another mostly unmemorable year in the DMV for pro sports, it is time to think about some resolutions for the 2012 year. As someone who failed miserably at keeping to my own in 2011, let me suggest some for some key figures in D.C. Sports for 2012.
Redskins Owner Dan Snyder's resolution should be stay the course, because what other choice do you have at this point? I know this has to be killing you to sit back patiently with yet another season of double-digit losses and your $7 million a year coach saying ‘wow this is harder than I thought it would be.'
However, starting over again would only slow the process down even more. There is some promising young talent on the roster thanks to that thing called the NFL Draft. You need another strong class, and oh yeah. a franchise quarterback, because clearly you do not have one right now. If we are having the same conversation next year, please feel free to revert to the old version of yourself and fire away.
Mike Shanahan's resolution is to find a franchise quarterback. Not sure this is really a resolution, but his future in D.C. depends on it. I know he has been really bad at selecting quarterbacks since he came to town, from the Donovan McNabb debacle to Rex Grossman-John Beck duo that he staked your reputation on. One guy can't stop turning the ball over and the other can't throw the ball downfield.
It does appear he found himself a pair of nice young running backs in Roy Helu and Evan Royster, so resolution two is making sure his son keeps these guys active next season no matter who is under center.
And one final resolution (besides sun screen): do not, I repeat, do not go Mike Ditka in the draft for that No. 1 overall pick. There are way too many holes on this roster, notably on the offensive line. But you already know the shortcomings, as you pointed out during this week's press conference.
Laron Landry's resolution is to get the surgery already. That is all.
The Washington Capitals locker room's resolution should be to get a collective heart. There's talent galore, yet the team has been maddeningly inconsistent and underachieving so far. There has been a change in the room with a new voice and style, and yet it's been the same old, same old. Time for each guy to look into the mirror and figure it out themselves or it could be an off-season of massive change.
Were there enough clichés in that resolution?
Andray Blatche's resolution is pretty simple: grow up. This is year seven in the league and you are 25 years old. If there is a problem with your coach, go to your coach, not to Twitter. Oh wait, sorry, we need to "shut up" because we don't know what we are talking about. Well fine then, don't put some vague 140-character tweet out after a game.
Also, if you want to lash out at the media, go for it. But fans? Leave them alone, because most of them already want you on the next Greyhound out of town. Not smart. You might soon get the Kris Kardashian treatment if you aren't careful.
One other thing: glad you want to play in the post, but it would be nice if you showed more of a post game.
Trent Williams' and Fred Davis' resolution is to put down the pipe, the joint, the bong, whatever you bought at your local head shop. I'm not here to judge. When your football career is over, do what you want, but if you're extracurricular activities affect your job, then it's a problem. No employer wants an unreliable employee, or teammate in this case.
Nationals owner Ted Lerner's resolution is to keep spending on the big league club despite the first-year miss with Jayson Werth.
Jayson Werth's resolution is play like the guy that was in Philadelphia. This is not Philly. D.C. fans are easygoing but like anyone else, we have our breaking point.
Bryce Harper's resolution is to stop cheering for the Yankees immediately. We have not had the pleasure of seeing your game at the big-league level and we have a bit of a complex around these parts. Any player that is ever good ends up leaving and becomes a success with other franchises. Most of us expect you to sign with the Yankees someday, just don't be so obvious about it. Let us enjoy this while we can.
Maryland football coach Randy Edsall's resolution is this: if you want your players to be held accountable, then practice what you preach already. Clearly your approach was not right last year. The 2-10 mark, exodus of players and empty seats at Byrd Stadium prove it, not to mention the hire of an offensive coordinator (who is one and done) that played a system that was not to the strengths of your talented young QB Danny O'Brien.
The "dream job" after just one season has been a nightmare for the Terps faithful. Guess what coach: your fingerprints are all over it. Call your buddy Tom Coughlin and ask him how he lightened up.
London Fletcher's resolution is to start campaigning now for the 2013 Pro Bowl like one of those Heisman candidates, because clearly letting the play do the talking is not working. The other idea is just embrace your inner Susan Lucia and roll with it.
Rex Grossman resolution is to come into a post-game press conference and own his mistakes. Stop blaming others.
Teddy Roosevelt's resolution is to win a damn race already!
Any other New Year's Resolutions for D.C. sports figures? Let us know in the comments.