Since no one wants to use Nationals season tickets to actually go watch Baseball, Nats Town has come out with a list of 81 things you can use those tickets for, via Deuce of Davenport. I guess the only way to make season tickets more valuable to prospective buyers is to convince them that their value isn't just limited to the price of admission.
There are a few different categories these items can fall into, and we'll list those after the jump. But here is my absolute favorite:
60. Rub shoulders with a member of Congress
First off, I think "rub elbows" is the term they were going for here; rubbing shoulders is the kind of thing that could get a Congressman in trouble with any number of judiciary committees. Secondly, there aren't enough people at these games to force people to rub elbows, or shoulders even. You and shoulders could have an entire section to yourselves, actually. On to the rest of the list.
Don't use them at all, and don't even try to recoup any money off this investment:
79. Get in good with your in-laws
5. Donation to an auction for your favorite charity
75. Give them to a prospective employee who is interviewing from out of town
11. Show your appreciation to the company intern
9. Birthday gift for Dad! (and Mom since Dad will be out of the house!)
81. Offer them to your neighbor who takes in your mail while you are on vacation
8. Give your tickets to your child’s little league or softball coach
80. Show your mail carrier you appreciate him or her
4. Reward employee for a job well done
3. As a "Thank You" for local community volunteers
76. Give your tickets to a youth team
Make sure you give all these people this list as well, because they aren't going to want to use the tickets for a baseball game either.
57. Five Guys, Hard Times, Gifford’s Ice Cream … need we say more?
29. Because Ben’s Chili Bowl tastes so good in April and September
34. You need an excuse to eat an ice cream sundae in a little batting helmet
How did they leave out the $12 giant strawberry daquiri? That is one of the only reasons I make it down to Nats Park on a hot summer night.
The Non-sequitur category; because not one of these things is exclusive to Nats Park:
19. Impress your friends
They won't be.
18. Check out a new part of DC along the Anacostia waterfront
Neither you, nor your impressionable friends, will be impressed with it.
17. Be eco-friendly and ride the Metro
You know what's more eco-friendly than riding the metro? Not riding the Metro at all. Staying home is the greenest means of transportation of all.
13. Meet a blind date at the Red Loft
A bar with expensive drinks and a $25 cover charge? Where do I sign up?
36. Catch a glimpse of the Washington Monument and the Capitol Dome
Mostly obstructed, and from Super far away.
53. Send a fax or make a copy in the Sharp Business Center
"Yeah, I need to get some work done, gonna head to the Ball Park."
As much as I hate to admit it because I actually really enjoy going to Nats games, but if you need 81 reasons that don't really have all that much to do with baseball to go to 81 Nats games, you might not be all that interested in spending the money on season tickets at all. I would really like to see a list of "Literally, thousands of other things you can do with the money you were thinking about spending on Nats season tickets before ultimately deciding not to."