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Happy Birthday, Mike Shanahan! Here Are Some Present Ideas

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As Hogs Haven noted on Twitter, today is Mike Shanahan's 58th birthday. From all of us at SB Nation D.C., let me be the first to wish Mike a happy birthday. 

Unfortunately, we personally cannot give Shanahan any sort of birthday present, because of conflict of interest and such. However, the same cannot be said for Shanahan's players. They can and should provide a gift for their head coach, if only because it's the nice thing to do. 

While we can't give Shanahan a present ourselves, we can provide some suggestions to Shanahan's players. Below the jump, some gift ideas that Shanahan will surely appreciate.

Donovan McNabb: McNabb should take off his walking boot and re-gift it to Shanahan, with special instructions to use it specifically on Malcolm Kelly and Devin Thomas whenever they make a mistake.

Clinton Portis: An IOU note that merely says the following:

"I pledge to participate in every single practice, no matter how much pain I'm in. I also pledge to give Mike Sellers a hug after every play, as appreciation for his amazing blocking skills."

Malcolm Kelly: A functioning hamstring. Okay, that was too easy.

Chris Cooley: A lifetime supply of carrots, to improve Shanahan's vision.

Fred Davis: Shanahan's own purple Dodge Challenger. Okay, maybe a red one.

London Fletcher: Nothing, because he's a godsend for Shanahan just the way he is.

Laron Landry: Two tickets to see "Inception" or any other movie in Landry's home theater. Every head coach needs a night out, right? 

Albert Haynesworth: After practice is over today, Haynesworth should come up to Shanahan and offer to take his conditioning test again, except this time, with incredibly high stakes. If Haynesworth passes, Shanahan must pledge to start him every single game. If Haynesworth fails, Shanahan and Bruce Allen must cut him.

Assuming Shanahan says yes, Haynesworth should run the test in a T-shirt and jeans, carrying his $21 million bonus check in his pocket because he hasn't cashed it yet. He should finish the first shuttle run in time, but then trip on his pants legs and fall just before finishing the second one. He should then storm out in anger without acknowledging Shanahan, "accidentally" drop the check and never return to D.C. again. 

It's an elaborate plan, I know, but I don't think Shanahan will accept any other gift from Albert, so he has no choice.