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TV Schedule, May 29: Padres Vs. Nationals, D.C. United Vs. Portland Timbers, Maryland Women's Lacrosse, Indianapolis 500, Coca-Cola 600

If you are sports-addicted lazy bum like me, today provides hours of programming entertainment, from Nats baseball to United soccer to the Maryland Women looking to capture another lacrosse national championship. And I hear it's a big day for left turns as well. What you need to watch for... San Diego Padres vs. Washington Nationals: The Nats take to the field today hoping their bats come with them, for once. Saturday saw yet another strong Washington pitching performance ruined, as the lineup mustered just one run on five hits. Yunesky Maya, just called up from Triple-A Syracuse, will face Dustin Mosely, who is 1-6 on the year despite a 3.15 ERA. (1:35 P.M., MASN) MLS Soccer

D.C. United vs. Portland Timbers: United heads to the Pacific Northwest to face former teammates Troy Perkins and Rodney Wallace. The Timbers have the most intimidating home turf in all of MLS (5-0-0 at home vs. 0-3-2 on the road), complete with a crazy mascot named Timber Joey who cuts logs after goals and passes them through the stands. DCU will again be without Charlie Davies (* strained hamstring) in this match. (5:00 P.M., CSN)

NCAA Women's Lacrosse Championship

Northwestern Wildcats vs. Maryland Terrapins:  For the 13th time in the last 16 years, either Northwestern or Maryland will be crowned NCAA Women's Lacrosse Champions. The Terps overcame a six goal deficit in last year's title game to shock the Cats 13-11 for Maryland's 10th national championship, and, cue ominous music, *today Northwestern has revenge on their minds*. Actually, I bet the only thing on their minds right now is how to stop a Maryland offensive attack that has outscored opponents 48-20 on their way to the final. (4:00 P.M., live stream at NCAA.com)

Indianapolis 500

Not to insult those open wheel race fans out there, but here is the racing appetizer of the day. That's right, the 100th anniversary running of the "Greatest Spectacle in Racing," the Indianapolis 500, is a mere warm-up for car enthusiasts on this greatest of days. Enjoy 500 laps of pole sitter Alex Taglianai, 2010 winner Dario Franchitti (or as I like to call him, Mr. Ashley Judd) and some woman they always talk about though she never wins. (12:00 P.M., ABC).

Coca-Cola 600 Now, your main event, what you saved the wide-mouth Budweiser cans and cheesy poofs for...the longest NASCAR race of the year, the Coca-Cola 600. Brade Keselowski grabbed the pole for this year's race, but Carl Edwards is looking to become the eight driver to sweep the All Star (last week at same track) and Coca-Cola 600. Is Dick Trickle entered? (6:00 P.M., FOX).