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Chris Cooley's routine physical and beer negotiations

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Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Chaos is officially back.

Geoff Burke-US PRESSWIRE

Chris Cooley officially returned to the Redskins Monday morning, just in time to do a whirlwind set of interviews and have his return be discussed throughout the doldrums of Tuesday, the least active day in the NFL week. (Seriously, it's science. You could look it up).

Anyway, Sarah Kogod of the Post ook it upon herself to go through Cooley's four interviews with a D.C. media outlet and put together a timeline of Cooley's return. (Some people in our business call this a tick-tock. They should stop that.)

Most of the stuff Cooley reveals, like Mike Shanahan calling Cooley as soon as the Redskins landed Sunday night, is pretty self-explanatory. What is less so is the physical Cooley underwent Monday morning out in Ashburn and his, ahem, unusual contract demands.

I've had so many people text, ‘How'd the physical go?' Literally, you go into the training room, and the doctor's like ‘How are you feeling, man? Good? Good. Okay, you passed ... The doctor that did it is the doctor that did my knee surgery before...I mean, he knows me. So it's not up in the air. I'm healthy. My knees not swollen; I'm not overweight. I'm sure if I was a fat slob when I walked in there yesterday, someone would be like, ‘Hey, let's run a little bit.' But I'm in good shape right now.

Literally, I have text correspondence trying to negotiate a case of beer into my contract. They wouldn't do it. I wanted it in writing so much.

Man, how loud is the cheer gonna be at this guy's first game back?