No words are necessary here. Just video. Sweet, sweet video of Dwayne De Rosario's hat trick, the third goal of which was scored 31 minutes after the kick-off. That makes it the fastest hat-trick from the start of a match in MLS history.
Goal Number One
Goal Number Two
Goal Number Three
And since you asked so nicely, here's the other D.C. United goal, scored by Andy Najar, and assisted by ... well, you should know by now.