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Pass The Fries, Or, How We Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The StrasBurger

In case you missed it, the Washington Nationals are introducing one of the most remarkable food items ever to hit this region's concession stands: the StrasBurger. The eight-pound monstrosity that will be served at Nationals Park's Red Porch restaurant this season is described as:

Weighing eight pounds total (including toppings), the StrasBurger is a monstrous all beef burger (combination of ground brisket, chuck and short ribs). The burger is served on a large burger bun with our secret sauce, American cheese, shredded lettuce, sliced tomatoes, sliced red onions, pickle chips and served with a cone basket of fresh cut fries and a pitcher of your choice of soft drink.

Holy ... Mother. We need a cigarette after reading that, excuse us.

OK, back. If you'll follow us below the jump, you'll see that the StrasBurger is being described as something quite different. Ben Freed over at DCist cities a Harvard study that describes eating red meat as being:

[A]ssociated with an increased risk of total, cardiovascular, and cancer mortality. They might be tasty, but red meats are full of iron, nitrites, sodium and carcinogens that form during cooking processes.

To which we say, "So what?" Did you read the description above? That thing is masterful.

Look, we're all going to die of something. Life is short, so we might as well do the things we enjoy. If that means shoving an ungodly amount of beef down your piehole, then by God, go to it. And as you do so, remember what Churchill supposedly said prior to a meal: "I will have meat; carnivores will win this war."